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Shame's Game.No pain compares to disappointing someone you love.
The shame is like a snake, it constricts until nothing is left; leaving you hollow.
Knowing that you've made a fool out of yourself, knowing that no matter how many times you say you're sorry, it will never be right again.
I've learned my true mistake.
It wasn't falling for you, it was for being greedy and trying to keep you for myself.
Just like a child who doesn't know how to share her toys; the epitome of selfishness.
I bid you farewell, I don't deserve your forgiveness.
Though, I'm not sure you would even consider it.
I'll do us both a favor and disappear.
I'll travel back down to my dark labyrinths and I shall never emerge.
The snake will kill me slowly and I will rejoice at every second of hell.
I finally got what was coming to me.
This is my punishment for ignoring my true self.
Drums of the ChildrenThe whisper of a turning page and the shrill tweet of a robin;
The sweet melody of returning childhood nostalgia.
The cool earth beneath my feet is teeming with life.
Tiny ants and crawling worms welcome me.
They play amongst the clovers chattering and crawling.
What is is like to not have a worry in the world?
Oh, but all that childhood bliss comes rushing past just as the cotton balls in the sky do.
This feeling of silent bliss is rare and delicate.
It's that scarce feeling that hardly ever enters the realm of adulthood.
Just to grasp that whisper of what was is cleansing.
It gave me the courage to start over once more.
Sometimes it takes a child's heart to fix what is broken in a grown up world.
The Light of a Father's Truth.You've been my guide all along.
You showed me the doorway to the truth;
Patiently awaiting for me to step in with you.
You gave me the gift of music, the key to the door.
The lyrics have been whispering truths to me all this time.
I have only just now heard the call.
Twenty years of being lost.
Twenty years of disappointment.
Twenty years of finding the evasive truth.
You stood back when I denied the truth.
You stood back when I denied you.
You stood back when I denied your love.
You are my guide.
You are the truth.
You are my father; my gift.
I can't thank you enough for always guiding me.
Your patience is unmatched by any.
You never gave up on on me, your bullheaded daughter.
They say no love can compare to a mother's love,
but that's only because they don't know a father's love.
Your love is:
twice as patient,
twice as kind,
and twice as nurturing.
You've placed me on the path to the truth.
You've given me the key.
Now it's up to me to step through and join you on the other side.
Throes of Identity.I've come to find that speaking in poetic form, shows my true colors far more than speaking in a plain tongue ever could:
I wield a web of secrets and spells.
Very few know me beyond the shell.
The shell of a crab for I am know.
Oh, how it's fearful to be alone.
My heart is no longer my own.
I am becoming the Queen of my own throne.
There are a few who I would die for.
They are the only few that I adore.
There are traits I will to change.
While others are just plain strange.
I will not judge you for being you.
I have strange spiritual views.
I dwell in the realm of horror.
But, I also happen to be an explorer.
I will always refuse to battle with you.
Fighting and hate is what i cannot spew.
My mind is free to wander.
How I dream to travel yonder.
The notes are my blood.
And the choruses cause the flood.
I know me.
I'll do this with glee.
Insanity of Patience.Patience is a virtue.
I've learned this to be true.
But I lack the skill of being patient.
I expect instantaneous results for everything in life.
If I want something, I want it now.
Oh how flawed my thinking is.
Nothing worth having comes easily.
It takes what seems like eons to finally become your own.
It can take years, even decades for love to grow.
It requires the utmost patience.
Something that I lack.
I want this love to grow but why does it take so long?
I miss you now, therefore I want you now.
But I've let you go, so you can grow.
Growth is such a slow process.
But my darling, I miss you.
Your smile, your laugh, your hugs, your kisses; your entirety.
I'd give up my soul just to lay close and hear your heart beat.
Your beauty has entranced me.
This entrancement is as strong as the day we met.
I'd give up everything I have just to hear you say I love you once more.
Please come back to me again, my love.
This waiting game is driving me completely insane
Unconditional Rays + WindThe wind weaves around the branches looking for a lost soul.
The Mother is searching for some of her children.
Where have they gone?
Trapped in steel boxes, never coming out to reunite with her.
She doesn't comprehend why they banish themselves but she has others to tend to.
They begin to fade to black.
Suddenly a sad soul wanders into her domain.
A light embrace and a soft whisper.
"You've come back to me."
Sad eyes and a hopeless smile.
"Of course I have. This is my true home."
The dragon flies buzz, as the bird chirp; a welcoming gesture to their lost sibling.
The Father welcomes this lost soul with his warm, enveloping rays.
He's happy to have her home, but he wishes his daughter wasn't so lost.
She merely stumbled into their arms; broken and confused.
Her souls a mess; blackened and bruised.
"We'll always welcome you with open arms. You're our child, forever. No matter what."
A curt nod and a small smile.
She turns away and dives deeper into their all consuming love.
I Remember-Do You?I remember nights
when it was just you and I-
with no one to tell us
we couldn't be together-
When I cried
you held me tight,
when I shivered
you kept me warm,
and when I refused to smile
you sang me
the softest lullaby.
I remember how much
you loved me,
and I remember how much
I loved you-
because I still do.
I remember-Do you?
Beat Me Til I See HellRepeating, repeating, of a carnival beating,
There is no remorse, only laughter and cheating,
I've always loved all the people I've hated,
And always watching your heart become so berated,
Your filthy gods will spit in your throat,
Beg for forgiveness, so forgive you I won't,
Strangling, dangling,and asking for mercy,
Just beat me, just beat me, so that I may feel,
Reality is wrong, so show me what is for real,
Just beat me, and reap me,
Until I see hell..
Theres a, pretty little flower with your name on it,
In bloom and it's full of shit,
Forcefield is blocking,
And no one will stop me,
Before I push them all away...
Someone stop me,
Just drop me,
Theres a little, little, crack inside the window,
And it's my soul caught in a frame,
Something made me feel so black, this heart feels so gray,
Please just beat me, someone keep me,
Someone hate me, someone take me,
Just beat me,
Until I see hell...
You won't leave me alone,
Unless I leave you first, but I can't turn my back while
Screamed her pain.I'm tired and I'm a basket case of pity.
Don't look at me.
Don't talk at me.
You can't see me.
I want to close my eyes and invade in my inner city.
Don't dare wake me.
Please hold onto me…
No… you can't see me.
Yes you do see me…
I'm so blind that I'm chaotic.
Wake me! Embrace me! Please!
Can you really see me?
I do want to go to bed.
I'm so weary…
Hold me please…
You can't see me…
Don't mock me…
Please help me…
I won't be able to speak of logic.
I am emotional.
I can't feel me.
I can't hear me.
Look at me…
Don't fret, and just hold me.
Please… even though… we can't see me.
Why do you haunt me?Why does your memory haunt me so?
Causing me to relive that painful time.
That first moment when we weren't together.
It's like you taunt me at the best possible instances.
Bringing my "all time low" ever lower.
When my friends laugh and are having fun.
I am trying with all my might to hide my violent shutters,
and to steady my quivering lip as I can barely hold back the tears.
Why? Why do you want to cause me such pain?
I don't want to remember.
It's done and over.
Somehow I see you among a sea of faces.
I can pick out your voice in a babble of billions.
Your scent somehow appears and I can't rid my nose of it.
I know you aren't there but why does it seem like you are?
My friends don't realize the pain you put me through.
I'm used to wearing a mask.
But someday soon it's going to fall off.
Your memories will expose me for who I am.
Miserable, depressed, pathetic.
I thought I could leave past memories in the past.
But I was never really good at anything.
Why would I think I could
Holding Back TearsWho knew that just sitting in a room and trying to think over things to make yourself feel better can be so god damned difficult?
All I wanted was a few moments to myself because I heard that when you think you eventually feel better--
Sorry, that statement is wrong.
I sink into bed, tossing and turning;
I feel as if I got a noose around my neck
That's getting tighter as time is passing.
Not to cry;
I tell myself lie after lie
That everything'll be better
If I don't let any emotions fly.
A thousand thoughts go by
And I let out a shaky sigh;
A tear begin rolling down my cheek;
I curse myself for being so weak
But now that stopper I'd put on my bottle's starting to give--
Any minute now I'll break down and succumb to those tears
That I'd held back for all those years
Of reminiscing over my idiotic failures and fears;
I really need to switch gears
Before I expose my weakest form to those peers--
Oops! I let out a choked sob but then scold myself
Silent DancerShe prances around with a skip
and a huge smile paints her lips.
A girl of only three,
if only we knew.
She aspired to be a dancer
if you asked, you'd get no answer.
The little girl was a mute
she refused to break this root.
So she spoke with attitude in her feet
following the steady, clear beat.
With a pirouette here
and a Revoltade there.
The little girl's feet painted
with her moves so tainted,
Her feet were the paint brush
the paint, her hush.
Her untold story
held in high glory.
She left people blown,
still no one heard her tone.
Then the little girl became a teen,
a mere girl of sixteen.
Still she stayed silent,
her moves became more violent.
The moves so sudden and fierce,
intense pain, she felt as it had pierce
the floor with a sigh of relief
she lets away the grief.
The dancer the little girl
was with her swirl and twirl
is now proclaimed
the girl left unnamed.
There is a twist,
the girl never did exist
she's simply a dream from her mother,
who cried a stream.
a word sh
Because of YouBecause of you I'm always sad
Because of you I'm continuously mad
Mad at the world and mad at my friends
Now my life will never be the same again
My heart is in Pain I feel no joy
Because my heart has been torn apart
Torn from the world and lost to wind
Tell me why you did this again?
I showed you nothing but true love
But look at what you did to my heart
Played with it like it was a game
Now my heart is addicted to pain.
I Don't Know What I'm Waiting For AnymoreI guess I just miss you,
I can't stop thinking about it.
'Cause I just hope you miss me, too.
I'm scared to talk to you,
To try to make this better.
It just doesn't feel safe,
And I'm so afraid.
I wonder if I'm the only one who feels this way.
It seems like we'll never be okay,
We keep avoiding each other this way.
We talk indirectly through social websites,
Posting things we hope the other one writes.
This isn't healthy,
This isn't how to deal with things.
But I refuse to give in,
Be the first one to apologize when,
You're the one who hurt me.
God, I just hope you feel guilty,
Considering the way you've treated me.
I guess I just miss you,
I miss talking to you everyday.
I hope you miss that, too.
I hope I'm not alone when I say,
I miss your voice, I miss your face.
I guess I just miss you,
This feeling gets worse everyday.
I'm sorry I've been bitter,
But only a day passed until you pursued her.
It hurt so much picturing you with her,
When you were with me,
Just days ago, just a coupl
Suicidal Intentions of a Lone WolfEveryday I sew my heart shut,
Everyday I brew the blackened blood,
Everyday I'm left alone,
Is another damned day where I kill my soul,
Just another damned day in this lonely world...
I left and no one turned their heads,
I left and no one shed,
No not one tear not one fear that I'd never return,
Sitting in my chair, as I wish the world would burn,
Why didn't anyone wish to see?
Wish to see the end of me,
The end of me is just beginning as I drift,
Drift, drift drifting down the meadow of misery,
It's filled with tears and scars and hatred,
It's filled with molten tar that fills my veins as I take it out on all,
Take it out on all within my gaze!
Just another god damned lonely day,
It's just another day with myself,
It's just another lonely day by myself,
I hate myself...
Foolish Heart.I'm a fragile thing.
I'm far more delicate than your mother's finest vase filled with artificial flowers and love to the brim.
I can shatter with the tiniest mistreatment.
I try to hide away in the darkest labyrinths; it's to keep myself safe.
I fear being broken once again.
I've been down that jagged path, I don't want to do it again.
But then a light finds my safe place; Awe replaces fear.
The light isn't so bad, it's soothing even.
For months we do this tango of love and grace.
I thought I could finally be safe again in the arms of a total stranger, who transformed into my lover.
Some things I didn't understand about you, but I let them go.
Your light was dangerous, it blinds from the truth.
I found that out far too late.
I'd fallen and shattered, and awaited for you to pick up the pieces.
Finally I realized that you never would.
You're empty inside; never to be satisfied.
Not even the deepest love could fill the holes in your heart.
I was a fool to fall and now I'm living with the
Inspector Wolf The old lady was dead. I could smell it before I even got into the house. The whole place reeked of adrenaline, sweat, fear, copper and steel. He’d dropped her right in her living room. Chopped and chopped until she stopped moving. But I could tell I was getting close. This had been done in a hurry, and the killer didn’t have the time to clean up after himself like he usually did.
Across the room, the phone rang. The shrill sound set my teeth to grinding, but I ignored it. Instead I followed the killer’s bloody footprints into the back bedroom. He’d climbed out the window. If I hurried, I could catch up to him and end this disgusting spree he was on.
Then the answering machine kicked in. “Hi, Gramma! It’s Red. Sorry I’m running late. I kind of lost track of time. But don’t worry. I packed the picnic and I’m heading out the door right now. Love you.”
She’d been expec
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More